As I near my 26th birthday, I realize that I’m not a child anymore (Don’t worry. I’ve been aware of this for a while, but it always seems to be a point of focus around my birthdays). I understand that I am still very young and have more to learn than I could ever possibly imagine, but over the years I have learned quite a few lessons of my own. I’ve learned things about myself, about other people just trying to find their way like me, about society in general, and about life. It’s this knowledge I want to share with the next generation, with my own future children, with my three amazing nephews and beautiful niece whose innocent smiles divulge no understanding of hate or malice, in the hopes that it will help them when the time comes for them to make their own way in this world.
- You are loved. You will say things that you don’t mean. You will wear clothes that your family doesn’t approve of. You will mess up. It’s fine. No matter what you do or say, there are people in this world that love you unconditionally and will support you through it all. So apologize when the words come out before you can stop them, learn from your mistakes and move on. I love you.
- You are beautiful. Society and the mean-spirited will do their best to beat you down and make you feel like you’re not good enough in every way imaginable. There are these impossibly unrealistic standards that exist in this world and there will come a time when you will face them head on. You will read a magazine or see a photograph and wish your body looked more like that. Someone will tell you your stomach is flabby. It’s not fair and it’s not nice, but it’s going to happen. I want to tell you something though – you are beautiful. Your body is beautiful in it’s own amazingly unique way, and anyone or anything that makes you feel bad about that isn’t worth your time. And on the days when the words and images get to you, know that there is someone in this world that loves you no matter what size jeans you wear.
- Being happy should be your number one priority. Find a job that you look forward to getting up for in the morning. Surround yourself with people that bring you genuine joy. Live in a corner of the world that surprises you with its beauty every day. The amount of time you are given on this earth is far too short to be spent as anything but sincerely happy and no one else is going to be looking out for your happiness but you, because you are the only person that truly knows what it is that is going to make you happy.
- It’s what’s inside that counts. Beauty is fleeting. While attractive features may catch someone’s eye, it’s the beauty of the person you are inside that keeps those people around. Don’t waste too much time and money worrying about how you look on the outside because you are beautiful just the way you are and in 20 years, the wrinkles will inevitably set in. Your time would be much better spent working on being a good human being. A person that genuinely cares about others and is happy with who they are is far more attractive than someone with toned abs and this season’s designer shoes that believes the world should revolve around them.
- Words can hurt. You will come across people in your life that will say some hurtful things to you or about you, sometimes intentional, sometimes not. It sucks and I’m sorry. Do your best to brush it off and know that those words were spoken because they don’t understand you or they feel inferior to you in some way. Don’t, however, use those people’s ugly words to speak ugly words of your own. What you say has just as much power to hurt someone the same way someone else’s words can hurt you, so think before you speak. Remember how you felt when those ugly words hit your ears and do your best to never make someone feel that same pain.
- It’s okay to cry. Despite what society wants you to think, it’s not a sign of weakness. You are a human being, you have emotions and you need to express those emotions. If tears are how you need to express yourself at a particular time, go ahead and let it out. That being said, you will find yourself in situations where you want to cry, but it’s not an appropriate time or place. That’s okay too. Do your best to compose yourself in that moment and then let it out later when the situation has passed. Promise me, however, that you will never let anyone make you feel bad about your tears, whether they come at an appropriate time or not. You are human. Tears are a part of life.
- You get what you give. Don’t expect things to be handed to you, you are entitled to nothing in this world. If you want that job, you have to work for it. If you want someone to love you (romantically or otherwise), you have to love him or her in return. If you want good things to happen for you, do good for others and someone will eventually repay the favor. You will get out of this life what you put into it; it’s as simple as that.
- You will fail, and that’s okay. No one is perfect and that’s how it should be. How boring would life be if everyone did everything perfectly and never screwed up? That wouldn’t be living at all. Know that you will try and fail at more than one thing in your life, and it will sting. You’ll be bummed out and your ego will be bruised, but the sun will continue to rise. Learn from the failure and move on. Whether you try again or walk away, at least you tried in the first place and that’s something to be proud of.
- Gender doesn’t define your life. Just because you are a boy doesn’t mean you have to make more money than your partner and be better at sports. And just because you are a girl doesn’t mean you have to stay at home and bake pies and wear pink dresses all of the time. Your gender defines you physically, but it does not define your life. Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t because “guys don’t do that” or “girls are suppose to be more proper”. You do what makes you happy and forget everything else.
- Family is more important than you know. I know, I know. Your family drives you nuts. Everyone’s family does from time to time, that’s how it works. Despite the nagging calls from your mother and the lectures from your father, these people are the ones that love you in a way no one else can. They will be there for all of it, your triumphs and the letdowns. They are your link to the past and your biggest cheerleaders. That kind of support doesn’t come around often so take advantage of the gift you have been given with your family.
- Friends are the family you get to choose. Your family is your family; you’re stuck with them, warts and all. If you play your cards right, though, you can create your own family with the friends you acquire over the years. Use this to your advantage and surround yourself with people that bring you joy and laughter and who will stand beside you when things get rough. Remember, when it comes to your friends, it’s about quality, not quantity.
- Love is love. Teachers, politicians, family members, neighbors, friends, the Bible…just about everyone will tell you that love and marriage are meant to be between a woman and a man. This is nonsense. Love is rare and beautiful and when it happens, hold on to it. It doesn’t matter who you love and anyone that tells you differently is just scared because they don’t understand the power of it like you do. Keep that beautiful heart and mind of yours open and you will be amazed at how much love you will experience over the years. I promise you it’s better than the alternative of being closed-minded and scared.
- This world is immense…see as much of it as you can. Believe it or not, there is a whole other world outside of your city or town. There are billions of people that see things differently than you do and approach life differently. The landscape in your corner of the world is vastly different than the landscape on the other side of the world. My wish for you is that you get to experience as much of these differences as possible. I want you to see the snow-covered mountains in Europe and the pyramids of Egypt. I want to you listen to the Aborigines in Australia play a didgeridoo and sit in silence with monks. If you get the chance to travel, take it. What you see and who you meet will change you in fascinating ways.
- It’s just money, you can’t take it with you when you die. I have spent a large portion of my time as a young adult stressing about money and not having enough of it. I want you to know that it’s not worth it, so please don’t worry about your finances so much when you get older. There will be times in your life when you don’t know how you’re going to make it to your next paycheck and there will be times when you think you can afford to buy everything under the sun. It’s important to learn how to be responsible with your money; pay your bills first, make good on your debts and save what you can. However, know that life is meant to be enjoyed and it’s important to splurge on yourself every once in a while. Buy that camera you have been eyeing for months and take that vacation you have always wanted to. Don’t worry so much about the uncertainties that always come along with financial planning because it’s just money and it’s simply not worth it.
- People are good…for the most part. There are some bad people in this world that do some unimaginable things to others, but know that people like this make up only a tiny fraction of the world’s population. Most of the people in this world are genuinely decent human beings that care about others and want to do good. News stories will show you people at their worst and society will warn you to be careful about those you interact with, but I hope you can learn to let others in and enrich your life. Trust your instincts when making judgments about people’s character and don’t feel guilty when they tell you to be guarded, but don’t become so cautious that you close yourself off completely. If you open yourself up to it, you will meet some amazing people that will touch your soul and change your life in ways you never thought possible. This is one of the greatest gifts of life and you deserve to experience what it feels like to let another person into your heart and soul.
- College isn’t required. While I whole-heartedly support continuing your education and am glad I did so myself, don’t feel like going to college is something you have to do. For a lot of young people, it is the natural next step and they go on to become healthy, well-adjusted, well-educated adults. For some, however, college just isn’t the right path. Society and educators will make you feel like continuing your education is the only real option you have if you want to succeed in life, and that’s just not true. I know a lot of people that didn’t go to college or trade school after they graduated high school, and they are perfectly fine. They have jobs, pay their bills on time, have meaningful relationships and genuinely enjoy life. When the time comes for you to decide what you want to do with your life, I certainly hope college is a good fit for you, but know that if it’s not, you will be loved all the same. As long as you are happy and proud of yourself, that’s really all that matters. The rest is just noise.
- Naptime should be treasured. In daycare, preschool and Kindergarten, naps were a mandatory part of the day. Everyone hated naptime because it meant that we had to stop playing and running and being rambunctious. We fought it like the plague. I’m here to tell you that will be the biggest regret of your childhood. Enjoy that time while you can because ten years from now, you will want nothing more than thirty minutes in the middle of your day to close your eyes and recharge. You will yearn for the time when someone told you to stop what you were doing and close your eyes for a few minutes. Take advantage of this time because it doesn’t last and I promise you, you’ll wish it did!
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